Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Perhaps Mother WAS Right...

Do you remember your mother telling you things as a child that you thought were ridiculous. Things that she warned you not to do because it would result in some disastrous outcome?

I am talking about warnings like:

Don't run with scissors, you could fall and stab yourself.
Stop looking cross-eyed or your could permanently become cross-eyed.
If you drink coffee as a child it will stunt your growth.
We won't buy you a BB gun because you'll shot your eye out.

Well... perhaps mothers are right when they tell you not to pull off the tab from your soda can and put it IN your soda can while you are still drinking it... it COULD come back through the hole and you COULD swallow it.

Oh pleaseeeee... really mother? Don't you think I would notice that the tab had come out, into my mouth, BEFORE I swallow?

Well, yesterday morning I was making phone calls to my chicken customers letting them know that their chickens for Batch #4 were going to be ready this weekend. I was sitting in the office/spare bedroom at the desk enjoying a soda while I was making my calls. Sometime during the course of the calls, I pried the tab off the can and mindlessly dropped it into the hole. Something I do, I don't know why. Such a random act of reckless abandonment.

So there I was talking to one of my customers when I took a drink of the pop while they were talking.

EGADS... what was that?

Was THAT the pop tab?

Did the POP TAB actually go into my MOUTH??

Customer: Blah, blah, blah... Don't you think?

Country Chicken Girl: Frantically thinking what to do with the pop tab that is in her mouth, tries to take a tiny swallow and catch the tab between her tongue and the roof of her mouth.

Meanwhile Customer is waiting for a reply.

The Country Chicken Girl panics and swallows a bigger amount of the pop than she had intended to and swallows the pop tab!

Yeppers, down the old hatch it went.

My mother's voice (in my head) says, "Now didn't I tell you that would happen? I don't know why you kids never listen to me."

Well, there was nothing I could do about it now. It was gone, but I could feel it about half way down my throat. I carried on with the conversation on the phone like nothing had happened. I couldn't let the customer know that I had to go because I just swallowed a pop tab. What would they have thought?

They would have thought... "Doesn't she know not to ever do that? You could swallow the tab if you drop it in the can."

I ended the conversation as soon as I could, hung up the phone and sat in my chair stunned.

Now what? Do I try to throw it up? Do I just let it pass on it's own? Do I tell Dan the Man who is in the next room?

As panic sets in, I decide to try to throw it up. I decide to let Dan the Man know what is going on in case something drastic happens and he needs to call an ambulance! Let me tell you... crazy thoughts run through your head when you have a semi-sharp piece of aluminum lodged in your throat!

Country Chicken Girl to Dan the Man: I just swallowed a pop tab.

Dan the Man: You WHAT?

Country Chicken Girl: I just swallowed a pop tab.

Dan the Man: How in the world did you do that?

Country Chicken Girl: I pried it off and dropped it into the can and while I was talking on the phone I accidentally swallowed it.

Dan the Man: You should NEVER put a pop tab in the can. Why didn't you just spit it out?

Country Chicken Girl: Because I was TALKING on the phone and I couldn't just say... excuse me, I have to go spit out a pop tab! Do you think I should throw it up?

Dan the Man: I don't know... I would.

So I go into the bathroom and grab a toothbrush and stick it in my throat to try to make myself throw up. I HATE to vomit. Absolutely HATE IT! First try, nothing. Second try, a little cough. Third try, a little gag and a cough. Fourth try, I am starting to panic that this is NOT going to work and I am going to have to go to the hospital and explain that I have swallowed a pop tab. But, after several tries, I am FINALLY successful! I had never been so happy to vomit before in my entire life! Out came the pop tab! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!

I go into the living room and let Dan the Man know that we won't be needing to go to the hospital after all!

Dan the Man: I can't believe you did that.

Country Chicken Girl: Me neither.

Moral of the story... Mother is always right!

1 comment:

  1. I am go glad you didn't choke! Truly, this is a vindication of proverb-spouting mothers everywhere.