Trying to Kill Dan the Man

The other day I was at the grocery store buying some toothpaste and noticed a spiffy new kind of Listerine in a "purdy" purple bottle.

I thought to myself, "hey, I think I need to try that fancy new mouthwash!"

Hot-diggity-dog, looks like it darn near does everything 'cept for walk the dog.
And the package is so darn "purdy."

The next morning I was so tootin' excited to give that there stuff
a swish and a swirl in my mouth.
I looked on the cap for a "fill here" line but couldn't see one
so I filled the cap a little over 1/2 full.
There, that should do me.
The more the merrier, right.

I started swishing and a swirling and then decided to read the directions.



Vigorously swish for 1 minute?
Holy smokes, this stuff is burning my mouth and it's only been about 30 seconds!

Swish, swish, swish, some more, but it gets too dang hot I think I'm a going
to spit it all over the mirror if I don't spit it out soon in the sink.
My mouth also felt like I had swallowed a 1/2 cup of baking soda
and followed it with a cup full of vinegar!


I couldn't stand it any longer so I spat that fire juice right into the sink.
Egads! I felt like I had just swished with peroxide!

I even had foam in my mouth, not just a little, but a whole lot.

What is in this stuff anyway???


HYDROGEN PEROXIDE!
No wonder it felt like I had just gargled with peroxide.



I thought to my self... "Man, I have got to get Dan the Man to try this stuff and see what he does. It'll be so funny! Hee, hee! He'll think it's just like any other mouthwash. I can't wait to see his reaction to that bizarre chemical reaction."

So I waited for him to come into the bathroom to brush his teeth.
Hee, hee!
I knew he'd be in any minute because he just got done drinking his morning tea.

I said... "You should try this."
I left the bottle on the counter and went into the bedroom to get dressed.
As I was dressing, I kept nonchalantly looking into the bathroom to see if
he was trying it. Well, he brushed his teeth and then left the bathroom.
Ugh, I couldn't tell him to try it or else he would know that something was up.
I would just have to wait until tomorrow.

So the next morning came and I made sure I pointed out the mouthwash.
Hee, hee!
He finally fell for it.
Dan the Man: "How much do you use."
Country Chicken Girl: "About 3/4 of the lid." hee, hee!
I watched as he swished, swished, swished.
Country Chicken Girl: "Make sure you swish real good, it says to rinse between
your teeth."
So Dan the Man swishes harder!
His eyes start to bulge a little.
I tell him it says to swish for a minute.

He finally can't take it any longer and spits it out.

HEE, HEE
HA, HA
HARDY-HAR-HAR!

Dan the Man: "That stuff taste like TOILET BOWL CLEANER!
What are you trying to do? Kill me?"

I love starting the day rolling on the flooring with laughter.


Love you honey!
Please don't be mad at me.